Drug lowers risk of second stroke - Times Online

Drug lowers risk of second stroke - Times Online: "e likely to change the way patients were treated after a stroke. Up to 40 per cent of people who have a stroke will have a second within five years. Often, the second is worse, resulting in death or disablement."

This is the most terrifying thing that I have ever read in my life. I take comfort in that 18% appears to be the more common statistic—but even that is terrifying. This article is about using Lipitor to reduce the likelihood of a second stroke—got to take this to my doctor tomorrow.

More articles:

http://www.webmd.com/stroke/news/20060809/stroke-patients-benefit-from-lipitor

http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa061894

http://www.pcronline.com/News/Press-releases/PFIZER-Lipitor-80-mg-Reduced-the-Risk-of-Heart-Attack-and-Stroke-in-Patients-with-Heart-Disease-Type-2-Diabetes-and-Chronic-Kidney-Disease

Video: http://wn.com/Lipitor%C2%AE_Effective_in_Reducing_Risk_of_Second_Stroke

http://www.neurologyreviews.com/aug06/statins.html

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/576068;meddomainjsession=rBnQMGvC1gMxmt28kxBllKG2Zny0DcxjKBYLFpkvp69btslDmQn1!1810586335

http://www.nelm.nhs.uk/en/NeLM-Area/News/2009---April/22/Statins-for-stroke-prevention-review-and-meta-analysis/

And the downside:

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSWBT00804520071212

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Disability Financial Assistance

I got approved for Disability Financial Assistance from Job & Family Services! Yay! A whole $115/month, but still—MONEY. It's so freeing. I can buy toiletries and such AND NOT FEEL GUILTY!

I'm still waiting on Social Security—I have to go have a physical next week—apparently the 50 some doctors who saw me were not enough... LOL.  Ah, well, this has got to be the last step—they've gotten my medical records and I've had a psych eval. I should have sent them my new gp's contact info, but I didn't even think about it. Oh well, I'm not really worried—especially if I keep falling and breaking tables, as I seem to be doing constantly, lately—at this rate, I'll be a solid bruise for the appointment! I just want this stress off my mind—and to actually be able to pay my own bills—no mooching! LOL.

I just sent off my application for Ohio HEAP yesterday, too—so fingers crossed! The only thing that worries me is that I sent the info from the Disability Financial Assistance, since SSI hasn't reached a decision yet, and it talked about using SSI as evidence. Seems like DFA would be just as solid of evidence, though—guess we'll see!

Poem: Crying

Crying

Life, neat.
panic attacks
fear of everything
Fear becoming reality
Begging bartering
Let me live
Was it what I wanted?
Fear quadrupled.
living dying falling
people
dying
living 


Life, spiked.
please just end the panic
take away the dark
that is all
there is
to ask
all
I've
ever
asked.

Rage

I AM NOT FAKING. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. I AM NOT MILKING IT. That's the frigging attitude that made this so bad. If I didn't tell myself I was just whining and imagining something wrong, it would have been a minor stroke because it could have been stopped before the paralysis. The stoke took about 24 hours. I debated calling 911 several times, but instead I mocked myself for being weak.

And if one more tells me I was lucky, I'm going to snap. Dying would have been easy—living is the hell. I do realize how lucky I was. But it just doesn't feel that way. So you telling me I should be grateful is really crap. It's perspective. So when you have your life ripped out from underneath you, we can talk. It could have been much worse. But it also could have been much better. No 31 yr old in their right mind would be full of gratitude if they lived but became a six year old all over again.

And sometimes my deficiencies JUST AREN'T FUNNY. They break something inside of me every time I'm aware of them. And when I have an emotional breakdown, I'm feeling the agony. Ignoring it DOES NOT help. I just want someone to care. I'm so tired.

Pushing me to "help" me be an better person is not a good idea now. If I say that I can't deal with something, I MEAN I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT. NOT I don't want to. And, yes, you can jump in and save my ass—leaving me to flounder IS NOT HELPING. When I say I am tired or emotional, that means I NEED TO STOP. If I say I need to leave, I don't mean soon—I mean NOW. I will have a meltdown, And if the meltdown is in public, it's A HUNDRED TIMES MORE DAMAGING. And another piece of my confidence is gone. THOSE PIECES DON'T COME BACK. I am an emotional mess and I will be for a long time. THAT'S NOT WEAKNESS. That's the bitch of what happened. So, yes, dying would have been the easier choice—just help me get through this choice. Sometimes the pain is just too much, and I regret the choice I made. I don't want to regret it.

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