equilibrium

Lately, I'm having a horrible time with my equilibrium. I constantly feel like I'm falling especially sitting in a chair without arms or standing; I've taken to holding the table or whatever to help me stay oriented. I don't know if it's the weather? But I feel like my progress is backpedaling! I think I am getting stronger and my endurance might be improving; it's hard to determine the endurance because I'm wasting so much energy trying to counter the messed up equilibrium. Hopefully, restarting PT will help.

Alone

One thing haunts my future; am I forever alone? Who would possibly want me now; I'm defective. Call me shallow, but I don't see it working.

My New Philosophy

“We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.”

~Charles R. Swindoll

Emotions

The emotional upheaval is rather unbearable. The anger is intolerable. Melancholy seems to rule my days; I'm on Wellbutrin and BuSpar--I can't imagine how I'd be without them. The crying attacks in public seem to have backed off but, then, I haven't been in public much. What was it that made me fight so hard to live? I seem to have lost the ability to predict how people will act; the rose-colored glasses are off and shattered. I don't know how to live with people. It doesn't help that the stroke followed a bad breakup. It all made me realize that the man I moved across the country with wasn't the man I thought
he was. I realized a lot of people that aren't who I thought they were. And a bunch who suprised me.

Image from the Backgrounds app for the iPhone.

Aphasia

Simply defined, aphasia is the loss of ability to communicate normally resulting from damage to the left side of the brain, the center of communication. It may affect a person’s speech and comprehension as well as the ability to read, write or deal with numbers. Intelligence is not lowered, although the inability to communicate may leave the impression that the affected person is less intelligent than he or she actually is.

Different Types of Aphasia

Anomic Aphasia
Speech is normal, but there is difficulty in naming even common objects or places.

Conduction Aphasia
Trouble occurs in repeating anything said by another person, but speech remains somewhat normal.

Expressive Aphasia (Broca’s Aphasia)
Everything is heard and understood, but there is a lack of ability to express thoughts. In some cases, the person may be capable of repeating single words, or even uttering obscenities when angry.

Fluent Aphasia
Though speech may be normal or rapid, incorrect words or sounds are substituted without the person realizing it. The person may say “dog” when they mean “horse”, or “may” instead of “hey,” not realizing even after the words are spoken that they are inaccurate choices.

Global Aphasia
As the term indicates, there is great difficulty with all language functions – comprehension or understanding, reading, talking, or even repeating what is heard. It is as though the person is transported to a planet where he or she lacks even the most basic understanding of how to communicate with the local residents.

Nonfluent Aphasia
Speech is slow and difficult, and in the desperate attempt to talk, is often used with hand and face gestures. Sentences may have words or parts of words missing.

Receptive Aphasia (Wernicke’s Aphasia)
Sounds are heard, but with no understanding of what they mean. The person can neither
understand nor monitor his or her own speech.

Copied from the Stroke Recovery Guide, published by the National Stroke Association.

Initially, I suffered from expressive aphasia; I understood everything said to me but my speech was gibberish. It took me about three months to get to the point where most people could understand me. I still have trouble if I'm laying down because I don't have the breath support, and I have to pause regularly to catch my breath. I also have difficulty if I become emotional: my voice becomes incredibly nasal and people can't understand me. Also, once the other cleared up, I had more trouble with using the wrong word or messing up the word order (especially if I'm tired). I won't dissemble: this scares the crap out of me, especially because it seems to be getting worse. I guess this would be another form of  asphasia, but why now, seven months later?


More info on aphasia.

Diet

So, I've been scared straight. I'm going on a diet. I'm on day 5. I'm also attempting to motivate myself to work out regularly. I've GOT to get back to the treadmill. Even if it kills me. I'm sticking with 10 min at 2 for now...it sounds pathetic but it wears me out! I also need to do the reformer band exercise video...it really helps the core and is all floor work so perfect! I figured I would come to terms with the diet first.


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Prevent A Brain Stem Stroke | LIVESTRONG.COM

Prevent A Brain Stem Stroke | LIVESTRONG.COM

"The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger - but recognize the opportunity."

           —John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963), Speech in Indianapolis, April 12, 1959

from Laura Moncur's Motivational Quotations

Symptoms

What are the symptoms of stroke?
The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke notes these major signs of stroke:

• Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arms, or legs
• Sudden confusion or trouble speaking or understanding others
• Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
• Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, or loss of balance or coordination
• Sudden severe headache with no known cause

All of the major symptoms of stroke appear suddenly, and often there is more than one symptom at the same time.

Copied from the CDC.

Statistics

Stroke is the third leading cause of death in the United States. Over 143,579 people die each year from stroke in the United States.

Stroke is the leading cause of serious, long-term disability in the United States.
Each year, about 795,000 people suffer a stroke. About 600,000 of these are first attacks, and 185,000 are recurrent attacks.

Nearly three-quarters of all strokes occur in people over the age of 65. The risk of having a stroke more than doubles each decade after the age of 55.

Strokes can—and do—occur at ANY age. Nearly one quarter of strokes occur in people under the age of 65.

Stroke death rates are higher for African Americans than for whites, even at younger ages.

Among adults age 20 and older, the prevalence of stroke in 2005 was 6,500,000 (about 2,600,000 males and 3,900,000 females).

On average, every 40 seconds someone in the United States has a stroke.

Each year, about 55,000 more women than men have a stroke.Men’s stroke incidence rates are greater than women’s at younger ages but not at older ages. The male/female incidence ratio is 1.25 at ages 55–64; 1.50 for ages 65–74; 1.07 at 75–84 and 0.76 at 85 and older.

Of all strokes, 87 percent are ischemic, 10 percent are intracerebral hemorrhage, and 3 percent are subarachnoid hemorrhage.

Stroke accounted for about one of every 17 deaths in the United States in 2005. Stroke mortality for 2005 was 143,579 (56,586 males, 86,993 females).

From 1995–2005, the stroke death rate fell 29.7 percent and the actual number of stroke deaths declined 13.5 percent.

The risk of ischemic stroke in current smokers is about double that of nonsmokers after adjustment for other risk factors.

Atrial fibrillation (AF) is an independent risk factor for stroke, increasing risk about five-fold.

High blood pressure is the most important risk factor for stroke.

Copied from StrokeCenter.org.

Impact of Stroke

About 795,000 Americans each year suffer a new or recurrent stroke. That means, on average, a stroke occurs every 40 seconds.

Stroke kills more than 137,000 people a year. That's about 1 of every 18 deaths. It's the No. 3 cause of death behind diseases of the heart and cancer.

On average, every 4 minutes someone dies of stroke.

About 40 percent of stroke deaths occur in males, and 60 percent in females.

The 2006 stroke death rates per 100,000 population for specific groups were 41.7 for white males, 41.1 for white females, 67.7 for black males and 57.0 for black females.

Americans will pay about $73.7 billion in 2010 for stroke-related medical costs and disability.

Copied from American Stroke Association.

New Year

Well, it's a new year. A new start. I'm on my feet with the cane, out and about. Because I'm between employer insurance and Cobra, I'm taking at least a week off from rehab. When I restart, I'll be going only twice a week--once on land and once in the pool--because I only get about 18 visits. I have enough money to survive for two months, so I'm really trying to get my disability and welfare applications submitted quickly and hoping they're processed fast! I'm keeping my fingers crossed but I've heard Disability can take awhile. I'm also updating my resume and applying for part-time, telecommuting jobs. Lol. My parents still won't let me drive because of the dizziness. The depression is getting a bit better and with the Buspar I only wake up once a night. For the new year, I'm trying for forgivness and regained patience. Not going too well so far, but I have confidence that I will finally master it! Eventually...