Catching up from my last post, I ended up keeping Ella near me. I was so devastated that my parents found a solution. It worked out perfectly! For the last month and a half I've been going out to the barn every Wednesday. At first, I worked with Ella's trainer's horse, then I got brave and started doing stuff with Ella. I haven't tried getting on yet, just grooming and groundwork, but it's done wonders for my progress in general. Returning to something that was such a part of my previous life has caused a drastic improvement in my confidence. My mom takes me and she has been wonderful with helping me maintain my balance when I'm around the horses. Ella has been a dream--part of my confidence has to do with being so comfortable with a horse who made me a bit nervous before the stroke. I can't wait to try sitting on her! At first I felt horrible that my parents had to take over paying for her, but it's given me such a drastic boost in progress, the guilt is mostly overshadowed.
This newfound confidence got me to give up my cane a month ago! Aside from my dog tripping me at the vet, it's been successful. I still need a rail or some sort of wall for going down stairs, and I prefer to walk within grabbing distance of someone, but the progress has been a relief. The PBBV really undermined me, and after moving from a wheelchair with neck support to a regular wheelchair to the walkers to a cane so quickly, it felt like I had been using a cane forever.
Matters have also been improved immensely from going on Provigil. I have enough trouble with fatigue now--I can't figure how I even functioned before it. I've been on 200 mg in the morning for about a month.
So all in all, things are going great! I think I've finally hit the stage of grieving where you are optimistic about the future!
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