New Year

It seems I'm always apologizing for not writing on here. I had to think about my purpose and realize that really its not a big deal not to write all the time—the point of this blog is to make other survivors feel less alone. When I had my stroke, I couldn't find much on brainstem stroke survivors—probably because not many victims survive. I was completely clueless—I new very little about any kind of stroke, and the more common, one-sided kind, seemed to much more covered. It finally sunk in the other day–someone commented that the symptoms I described sounded more like traumatic brain injury than stroke, and I realized she was right.
Anyway, I write as I feel the need and to comment on major events. And that IS the point.

It's a new year. In 3 days it will be exactly 1.5 years since the stroke started. In "celebration" and for the new year, I have a resolution: complain more. It's been brought to my attention that I try to be, I don't know, stoic or positive when I see the doctors. I think I have two main problems--I'm very private and how bad things are is completely relative. I mean, really, after laying on the floor, coninced I'm dying, with such bad bad neck pain it feels broken, but knowing I have to turn my head or asphixiate, makes a little back pain seem not worth mentioning. But not mentioning those things leaves the doctors obvious and thinking I'm fine. I'm not fine, and I need to let the people who can help me know. Otherwise, it's not stoic, it's stupid.

Finally: update—I met with the disability lawyer. She was very nice and competent seeming, but having to go over the stroke over and over is just getting too stressful. I had to take half a Xanax, then slept for several hours when I got home. 2-4 years til it's resolved—so basically, I get to drain my parents dry for 2-4 years. Excellent. Because being a parasite was my life's dream. Fate's a bitch. But it is what is—there's no redo—at least this is forward movement.

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